Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
