My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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