Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
