Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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