apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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