I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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