Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
