Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
