I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
