So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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