I think i peed on brittanys purse
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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