she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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