so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
