Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
