3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
