this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
