i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I faked an abortion last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
