They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
