HIV tests are more positive than that guy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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