Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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