I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
