Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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