She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize