Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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