He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
