if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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