You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
