maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
People with herpes should wear stickers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
