hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
