Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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