I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
