I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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