Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
