physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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