The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
