Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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