half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
