yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
