I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
