my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
