Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
