Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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