You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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