i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
