So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
