that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
