The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
