Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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