When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
