My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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