i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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