i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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