After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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