Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
