Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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