Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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