yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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