i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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