hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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