Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
