things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
