Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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