I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
