i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
honey bunches of taint.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize