hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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