isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
