The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
