He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
