You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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