just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
