I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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