dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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