You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
