the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
