I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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