wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
