This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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