You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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