3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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