I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
