Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
