That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
