I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
