Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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