Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
