hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
